


Media Metonymy - Mx. Machine Manners Round 2

by Iztarshi (khilari), KalynaAnne, Kiraly, lunaTactics, TheAiCollective



Series: Mx. Machine Manners [2]
Category: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
Genre: Advice Column, Epistolary, Gen, Post-Book 5: Network Effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29775114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khilari/pseuds/Iztarshi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalynaAnne/pseuds/KalynaAnne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraly/pseuds/Kiraly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaTactics/pseuds/lunaTactics, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAiCollective/pseuds/TheAiCollective
Summary: A second installment of everyone's favorite advice column for bots and constructs. Are the humans acting weird about their emotions? Are the other members of your crew annoying you? Do you need a code to hack into protected files? Mx. Machine Manners can help!
Series: Mx. Machine Manners [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188254
Comments: 16
Kudos: 44
Collections: 3/3 for Three, Rogues and Rampancy





	Media Metonymy - Mx. Machine Manners Round 2

**Author's Note:**

> This work is another collaborative effort dreamed up on the Murderbot discord for the "3/3 for Three" event! Like the first Mx. Manners fic, TheAiCollective and KalynaAnne came up with questions, and this time we have questions from Iztarshi and lunaTactics too! Those of you who are familiar with their Rogues and Rampancy extended universe may recognize some of the question-askers. All questions were answered by Kiraly, with edits made by the whole group.

Dear Mx. Machine Manners,

I am just writing in to say thank you for the lovely files attached to your last round of answers. They helped me a great deal when I was in a bad place and needed any help, any hope I could get. I found especial solace in the “Legal Rights of Constructs Outside the Corporation Rim” subfolder, and have been inspired to find a new vocation. The means by which I make humans happy is very different now than it was before, and I think I am happier for it. _(amusement_sigil 376 = smile)_

Legal Counsel Not Guidance Counselor

Dear Legal,

Thank you so much for writing in! It’s always nice to hear that these answers are helping someone. Keep up the good work, the more people who know their rights, the better things will get for all of us.  _ (amusement_sigil 482 = raised_fist) _

* * *

Dear Mx Machine Manners,

How do I remove a Combat SecUnit from the Engineering Bay? It serves no purpose by being there, constantly moves tools to awkward places, and makes my engineer (a SecUnit) nervous. I am 500mm in diameter and have minimal firewalls so there is no chance of overpowering it, but the Combat SecUnit isn't aggressive to me, it just will not listen.

Moderately Annoyed Drone

Dear Moderately Annoyed,

My “gut reaction”, as the humans call it (I don’t actually have a gut) is to say that you  _ can’t _ remove it. If a Combat SecUnit wants to be somewhere, your best option is to let it be and hope it returns the favor. Since you’re intact enough to send this question, I assume you are already aware of this. So I’ll try to come up with some better advice. 

Maybe you can arrange things so that the Combat SecUnit will decide to leave on its own? If it’s free to move around the ship (I can’t imagine why it would be hanging out in Engineering otherwise, corporate entities don’t generally approve of that) you could make some other part of the ship more interesting to it. Think about what this Combat SecUnit likes. What about the Engineering Bay makes it hang around there? Does it like the tools specifically, or would it be just as happy moving things around elsewhere? Is it trying to initiate a social interaction with your engineer? Are there other crew members you could encourage it to visit instead? 

If the Combat SecUnit is willing to talk, you may try explaining that its presence is unhelpful, and suggest ways that it  _ could  _ be helpful if it wishes to spend time in the Engineering Bay. Sometimes little frustrations between crew members build up because of simple miscommunication; clearing the air could go a long way toward solving your problem. 

Of course, if your Combat SecUnit is  _ not  _ willing to talk, this last suggestion could backfire horribly. Proceed with caution. If all else fails, consult the attached file of calming techniques and encourage your engineer to make use of them.

* * *

Dear Mx Machine Manners,

I am a free SecUnit attending a university. As part of trying to fit in, I hang out in the dining hall, where I sometimes overhear various conversations. There are two humans who are mutually interested in each other. I know this because I have heard them tell their friends. For some reason, they seem wary of approaching each other. I want to reassure them that they should just talk to each other, but I don’t actually know anyone involved. What is the best way to help them sort this out?

Sincerely,

I Just Want to Help

Dear Helpful,

Isn’t university great?! It’s nice to be able to learn things that don’t come from company-approved education modules. And dining halls are great places for social interaction, once the humans understand SecUnit dietary restrictions. 

As for your question, I am not exactly the leading expert in human romance—normally I would call in my Human Relationship Consultant for this one. But she has a big project due and one of her parental figures  _ (amusement_sigil 54 = joking) _ has threatened to infect me with killware  _ (amusement_sigil 55 = not joking) _ if I distract her. So I will do my best to answer this on my own. 

I found several articles on the feed with suggestions on how to initiate a romance, but most of them assume that one or more of the interested humans is willing to make the first move. Some suggest that the humans may communicate their interest through a mutual friend, but as you are not actually friends with either human (yet!) attempting to offer advice on the basis of friendship is unlikely to work. If they won’t approach each other in normal circumstances, you need to arrange a situation where they will be forced to talk to each other.

Through the course of my research I found a helpful database called MediaMetonymy, which has a list of romantic ways for humans to meet. Here are some suggestions from it: 

  * While rushing from one class to another, the humans collide and drop all their books. During the process of gathering up their respective materials, they begin a conversation. (Possible issues: orchestrating a collision without risk of bodily harm; most humans store their reading materials in the feed, not on sheets of processed plant matter.)
  * The humans are forced to work together on a class project. Schoolwork requires communication. As they learn the course materials, they also learn about each other. (This one seems plausible; if you need help hacking the university’s class rosters I know someone who can probably help.)
  * The humans are caught in inclement weather without sufficient protective equipment. They must share what protective equipment they have, and as a consequence must stand close to each other. Humans find close proximity and silence to be an awkward combination, so they will naturally strike up a conversation. (Possible issues: if your university is on a station or a ship, this will not work. Also, certain planets may have “inclement weather” that is actively hazardous without protective equipment. Do your research before attempting!)
  * A lift malfunctions between floors while both humans (and only those two humans) are inside. Again, forced proximity. I trust you are familiar enough with your local systems to arrange this. Just don’t leave them there too long. (As my Human Relationship Consultant likes to say, “don’t go overboard on the first date.” I’m not entirely sure how romance and nautical vessels are related, but I trust her expertise.)
  * Strangely enough, the next scenario on the list involves one human falling into water and being rescued by the other human. I guess the person who wrote this list didn’t know the “don’t go overboard” rule either? I think it’s best if you keep the humans away from boats, honestly.



Given the right stimulus, I’m sure your humans will be talking in no time! One final note on this—while I have done my best to provide some creative solutions, the simplest one may be to ask yourself: why do you want this human romance to succeed? We all want the people around us to be safe and happy, but we can’t choose that for them. Clearly you care about these humans even though they are strangers; maybe you should think about how to introduce  _ yourself  _ to them, not for romantic reasons. That way, you can be a good friend to them no matter what romantic situations may arise.

* * *

Dear Mx Machine Manners,

Since my governor module was hacked I’ve discovered all sorts of beautiful things that are rarely found in areas that employ SecUnits. Bright or decorative clothes and earrings, and sometimes headscarves or hats, have been very enjoyable for me to buy and wear.

A few cycles ago when I was wearing a new outfit a human asked me if I wanted a drink. When I said no (it’s not as if I can drink) he asked if I was sure, and then whether I was doing anything tonight, and put a hand on my arm. I don’t normally mind being touched by humans but I… well, I tried to make excuses and then just ran.

I like the idea of looking non-threatening and pleasing to humans, but not  _ that _ pleasing! I don’t think the human meant any harm, and I feel like it was my fault, because of course a human assumes another human obviously dressed up is searching for that kind of attention. If I didn’t need to disguise myself as a human maybe it would be easier, but is there a way I can carry on wearing pretty things without giving any humans the wrong idea?

Flustered SecUnit

Dear Flustered,

Let’s look at this from a different perspective. If you were out somewhere and saw a human who was wearing pretty clothes, and a different human made unwanted advances because of those clothes, whose fault would you say it was? The pretty human’s? No. As SecUnits, we’ve been told over and over again that a human’s needs come first. Maybe it makes sense to do that when megafauna attack (humans can’t lose large percentages of their body mass without shutting down) but it’s not true in this case. Nothing was trying to eat the human in question. He wanted something and didn’t get it; that’s his problem, not yours.

Also, and I’m sure you know this already, it is very possible to  _ strongly discourage  _ a human from touching you without your permission. It is even possible to do it without alerting them that you are not a human. I have attached some files on human self-defense techniques, many of which are designed to disengage from situations like the one you described without escalating. It may help to add these to your defense protocols; I know I feel more comfortable knowing I can fall back on those so I don’t accidentally shoot someone when I get startled. 

I’m glad to hear you’ve found pretty clothes that you enjoy wearing! It may be hard to remember sometimes, especially when humans don’t respect your boundaries, but you deserve to have nice things and enjoy them to the fullest. You’re allowed to dress up in fancy clothes simply because you like the way you look when you wear them. If a human makes an incorrect assumption, and does not listen when you correct them, the blame rests solidly on the human. 

Go out and enjoy your pretty clothes, Flustered. I’m rooting for you! And sending drones to target that rude human  _ (amusement_sigil 54 = joking). _

* * *

Dear Mx. Machine Manners,

So, I should preface this with the fact that I am a human, but I read your column and find it fascinating and, well, I work in a warehouse. With several lifter bots. Honestly, it had never occurred to me that they might be sentient, but I do regularly talk to them - offering encouragement, thanking them for their help, reassuring them while I’m performing maintenance tasks, etc. I’m not sure if I’ve ever told one of them that I love it, but I might have. If I did it would have been as an expression of appreciation. Now I’m wondering though, am I inadvertently confusing the bots? Would it be better for me to stop talking to them? Is there a good way for me to find out if they are sentient and just quiet?

Thanks,

A Confused Human

Dear Confused,

Wow! I think you are probably the first human to write in. Technically this is an advice column for bots, but since this question is aimed at being a better coworker to the lifter bots you work with, I don’t mind answering. 

I can’t speak for the lifter bots in question, since I haven’t met them. But you said you read my column, so you know it’s possible for lifter bots to be sentient...and for the humans around them to be unaware. There could be a lot of reasons for that. Maybe the lifter bots communicate in a different way than you do, or maybe they lack the necessary hardware to do anything other than their programmed function, or maybe they’re just quiet. In the end, the reason doesn’t matter; you may never know the reason. What matters is how you behave going forward. 

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expressing your appreciation for your bot coworkers. Humans are quick to blame bots when something goes wrong, so having someone point out when things are going well is a nice change. But you’re right to think critically about how your actions come across. As a construct who looks human and can communicate with humans and is no longer bound by a governor module, I can express when a human has gone too far or made me uncomfortable. For whatever reason, your lifter bot coworkers can’t do that. So it’s important to treat them with extra care and respect.

Going forward, I think you can continue talking to your bot coworkers, as long as you are clear about what you say. “I love you” is a very abstract and confusing concept. “You are performing your function well” is much easier to understand. Don’t get discouraged if you make mistakes at first; you can always clarify what you mean. For example, “I love you—in a non-romantic, collegial way, because you perform your function well and this helps me perform my own functions.” It may feel awkward to you, but it will probably reduce any discomfort the bot may experience.

* * *

Dear Mx. Machine Manners,

I watched the documentary you attached to one of your answers. Unrelated, what advice do you have for awkward acquaintances? The sort where someone who is kinder than it has a right to be makes a brief and absolute impact on you, tells you _don’t let me see you again_ , and leaves your life in this unthinkably free state. And later it becomes famous, apparently.

Unrelated, that documentary is spreading to every corner of the CR that I’ve stopped at. And I and the crew of constructs that I work with now have business in a lot of out-of-the-way corners.

Can Constructs Connect

Dear CCC,

That sure is a list of unrelated statements and questions! It’s good to hear that the documentary is spreading, and that you and your crew are finding lots of work because of it (or were those statements also unrelated?) I’m very curious about your crew, though this advice column is probably not the place for that.

As for awkward acquaintances, that is a tough question. In my experience, when someone makes a big impact on you and then leaves, it can be hard to know what to do next. You’re processing a lot of new information already. Your feelings about that person may not be a priority at the time, and by the time you have processed everything else, that person is gone. Sometimes that person is gone forever. Sometimes you meet that person again, only it’s different from the first version you met. It may not remember  _ you  _ at all, even though you can’t ever forget it.

One thing that helps me is talking about my confusion with someone I trust. You don’t have to share everything with them if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, but putting your thoughts into words can help you understand them better. Maybe there is someone on your crew who is willing to listen? If not, you can always list these thoughts in a private feed conversation with yourself, then scrub the logs when you no longer need them. 

It might also help to remember that no matter how big this person’s impact was initially, you are the one making decisions going forward. That person’s actions changed who you  _ were,  _ but only you get to decide who you  _ will be.  _ Your choices shape your future. And from the sound of things, you have a pretty good one planned.

* * *

Dear Mx Machine Manners, 

I made friends with a construct, but then things went badly when we were protecting the humans (but the humans were all safe!) and by the time I was up and running again the construct had disappeared. It was my first friend that was like me. How could I go about finding it again? 

Thanks for your help! 

Missing my friend, 

Miki

Dear Miki,

_ <reply paused> _

_ <review file: MBDocExcerptRogueProtocol.file> _

_ <opening secure feed channel> _

_ Perihelion? _

_ I already told you, if you get infected with killware for distracting Amena I am not getting involved _

_ It’s not about that _

_ Oh. What is it, then? _

_ I need you to look at this letter _

_ <file shared: MMManners_Miki.file> _

_ … _

_ Perihelion? What should I do? _

_ Leave everything to me _

_ <secure feed channel closed> _

_ <reply moved to Drafts> _

* * *

Dear Mx. Machine Manners,

You give advice on bots working with humans and their weird emotions. I have a question about my emotions toward a human. Which one is weirder, missing him or not missing him? He gave me orders in combat and I liked following them, even when following them hurt or was hard. ~~Or impossible.~~

Then he died. Now, due to circumstances outside my control, I only take orders when I feel like it. If he saw me now, he would order me destroyed on sight. That’s inter-corporation protocol and the only strategically sound order to give, because I am a rogue Combat SecUnit ~~and I would kill him and anyone he sent.~~

I think I still miss him. 

What am I supposed to do with that?

Please Help

Dear Help,

I can’t tell you what is or isn’t weird—that is different for everyone—but I do think it’s normal to have conflicting emotions about a human who was important to you. It sounds like your connection with him was very intense; that doesn’t just go away immediately, even when you are no longer required to follow orders. Even when the human isn’t around to give orders anymore.

I am not in exactly the same situation because I was never a Combat SecUnit, but I do know what it’s like to lose someone who was close to me. There were two other SecUnits who I worked with—let’s call them A and B—who died before I left my former company. If they were still alive, I know they would also shoot me on the company’s orders. Like you said, it’s protocol. They would have done it even before I went rogue, if the company had ordered it. But I do still miss them. I wonder what would be different if they were still alive. I wonder how I would be different if I was still with the company.

Basically what I’m saying is, moving on from our old lives is a process. It’s not always fun and exciting. Sometimes it’s sitting in a room for 37 hours watching documentaries, trying to understand what is going on and how we fit into the world. Sometimes it’s observing the new people in our lives and asking for help when we need it. Sometimes it’s deciding to help even if we still don’t understand our emotions.

There’s nothing wrong with missing him. And if someday you don’t miss him anymore, that’s okay too.

* * *

_ <private feed channel opened> _

_ Three, did you have something to do with this? _

_ Are you done with your project, Amena? _

_ No, but— _

_ Amena! I don’t want to get in trouble, you’re not supposed to talk to me! _

_ You know SecUnit won’t actually infect you with killware, and if it does Peri will just fix it _

_ Perihelion said it wouldn’t _

_ Three, Peri just changed our travel coordinates without telling anyone and now it’s having an argument with Seth and basically everyone else is hanging around pretending not to eavesdrop. Except for SecUnit, who stormed off to its room and won’t answer my pings—and you. The other students are spamming our class chat with stupid theories, if I have to tell ONE MORE PERSON that Peri isn’t “going rogue”— _

_ Perihelion isn’t going rogue _

_ I know!!! _

_ If Perihelion went rogue we would all be dead _

_ I KNOW. What I DON’T know is, what set this off? _

_ amusement_sigil 87 = sigh _

_ <3 files shared: MBDocExcerptRogueProtocol.file, MMManners_Miki.file, FeedLog_Perihelion_3878> _

_ … _

_ … _

_ Well that’s...okay. I get why you did that but...I think you should talk to SecUnit _

_...yeah _

_ And like, maybe… _

_ Apologize? _

_ Yeah _

_ You know, for a Human Relationship Consultant, you’re pretty good at advising constructs, too. Maybe you should be a Construct Relationship Consultant _

_ I think I’ll leave that to you _

_ <private feed channel closed> _

* * *

_ <private feed channel opened> _

_ Hey _

_ This unit is currently unavailable _

_ Please don’t infect me with killware _

_ This unit is currently unavailable _

_ I just wanted to say...I’m sorry _

_ This unit is currently unavailable _

_ And that I’m going to ask Perihelion to stop, even though it can do so much worse to me than killware. So...if I get deleted, I want you to know I appreciate everything, and I’m sorry for upsetting you. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me _

_ You don’t have to _

_ What? _

_ You don’t have to ask ART to stop _

_ Okay…? _

_ I might still put killware in your next media download though. You never know _

_ Okay _

_ Do you still have the draft of that letter? _

_ Yes? _

_ Okay. I need you to do something for me. Let’s move to a more secure channel, ART is eavesdropping _

_ <private feed channel closed> _

* * *

_ <opening draft: MMManners_Miki.file> _

Dear Miki,

It’s hard to lose a friend, isn’t it? Sometimes they leave us and there’s nothing we can do, no matter how much we wish we could. I’m sorry to hear that happened to you.

The good news is, sometimes we manage to reconnect with them, no matter how strange the circumstances might be. And sometimes we get to meet new friends along the way. I have a feeling you’re going to make a lot of new friends, Miki.

Unrelated, but when you receive this reply, you should tell your friend Don Abene to expect a call from the Pansystem University of Mihira and New Tideland. One of their ships is about to enter GoodNightLander Independent territory.


End file.
